Today, I have lived in New York City for exactly one year. To celebrate, I spent the day thinking about some of the most delightfully amusing and bizarre moments of my time in this city. They are many and varied, but each one has given me enough pause to physically write them down so I can look back at them later and laugh.
1. An entire birthday cake smashed in the middle of the sidewalk.
A classic. Blue frosting and cake pieces were splattered all over the sidwalk and the walls of nearby buildings like some sad (but delicious) crime scene. I like to imagine the scenarios in which this happened, including but not limited to:
- “Mommy, can I carry the cake for Grandma home?!”
- A pigeon frantically flying out of nowhere, causing the carrier of the dessert to fling it in defense and terror (which is what would happen if I were the person)
- Getting a “Dear John” text from the intended cake recipient mid-walk home and smashing it on the sidewalk as revenge
- The bottom of the cake box falling out unexpectedly (admittedly the most likely scenario)
2. A man picking his nose while he rides a delivery bike in the 24 degree weather.
This is perplexing on many levels to me. First of all, the amount of coordination and concentration that likely went into the excavation of the booger in question is applaudable. Riding a bike with one hand amidst New York City traffic is also worthy of a gold star. But braving the cold and wind mid-winter on a bike is the craziest part about this one. I am also revolted by the fact that said man was also (at some point) handling someone’s food. I dined in for the next month and a half.
3. A tourist on the street (mid-day, totally sober) saying “Which way is straight?”
Honey if you don’t know that, there’s no hope for you.
4. A butcher happily pushing a shopping cart containing the full body of a dead goat down the street.
Did I mention this was at 7:30AM? On a Monday? What a way to start the week.
My question is…where the hell was he taking it? Out on a nice stroll around the neighborhood? Did the goat want to see the sights? Enjoy the summer sunshine?
Or does the butcher home-deliver? You hear a ding-dong, open the door, and see a nice…side of dried goat??
5. A woman walking down the street in a enormous neon pink sweatshirt and giant cat eye sunglasses. Beaming gleefully.
With 5 dogs.
Weiner dogs, to be exact.
In matching hot pink sweatshirts.
Two of whom are walking on leashes.
Three of whom she has strapped to her chest in a baby carrier, legs and heads lolling about.
6. Last but not least, my very favorite thing I have seen in New York City is this:
A teeny TINY 85 year old woman pushing a baby stroller FULL of corn.
I have so many questions for this adorable old woman. Most of which I had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting out as I passed her by.
Why do you need so much corn, ma’am?
Was there a sale? Because if so, I’d like to jump on it.
Did you know about the sale and brought the baby stroller in anticipation?
Or was there a baby in the stroller who you are now forcing to walk?
Perhaps you make corn husk dolls?
Did you buy one ear of corn for every year you’ve been alive?
Are you going to eat it all yourself?
Have you heard about the dried goat guy cuz I think you two would be friends?
The list goes on and on….
Bottom line is, New York is full of crazy, wonderful weirdos. And after a year, I can state with confidence I fit right in.