Sir, Please Step Into the Vehicle (Part III)

Standard

The saga of the Owner’s Manual continues and I have been churning through the pages since my last post.  For more context Click Here to catch up and for the Part II (I’m told it’s pretty funny) Click Here.  Reading all of these warnings has made me feel a little bit like this:

Suffice it to say, as promised, here are ten more Warnings and Cautions that made me wonder/ponder.

#1

CAUTION:  Do not apply a total load of more than 4lb (2kg) to the luggage side hook.  Doing so may cause the hook to break.

I’m trying to think of the last time I packed a piece of luggage that weighed less than 4 lbs.  I’ve packed lunches that weighed 4 lbs.  Heck, a small fish would break a  4 lb line pretty much by simply taking the hook. Think they should have called it something besides a “luggage hook.” Any ideas?

#2

CAUTION:  Do not place intelligent key near an electric appliance such as a television set, personal computer or cellular phone.

Really, a cellular phone? Does this mean I am going to have to go out and buy a satchel?

#3

CAUTION: Do not place the Intelligent Key for an extended period in a place where the temperatures exceed 140  degrees F or 60 degrees C. Do not allow Intelligent Key to come into contact with  water or salt water, and do not wash it in the washing machine.  This could affect the system function.

Got it.  Don’t toss in fire, the ocean or washer, and expect to drive the vehicle again…ever.

#4

CAUTION: Be sure to carry the Intelligent Key with you when operating the vehicle.  Never leave the Intelligent Key in the vehicle when you leave the vehicle.

Soooooo….the key makes the car go…interesting.  And if I leave key in car when I exit car, neither key nor veee hickle  may be there upon my return.  Thanks Nissan.

Clearly Nissan has more confidence in its key than its user.

#5

WARNING: Failure to operate this vehicle in a safe and prudent manner may result in loss of control or accident.

However, failure to operate vehicle in a safe or prudent manner will yield no negative consequences.

#6

WARNING: Wet ice and freezing rain, very cold snow or ice can be slick and very hard to drive on.

What about dry ice or less than very cold snow?  What about plain ‘ol rain?  How about oil? Or butter. Or catfish?  Seems like they left a bunch of slippery stuff off the list.

#7

WARNING: Never get under your vehicle after it has been lifted by a tow truck.

Good advice.  Send your child to crawl under it for you.  No doubt, the smaller, the better.

#8

CAUTION:  Never remove dirt, sand or other debris from the passenger compartment by washing it out with a hose.

Hmmmm, I guess that means pressure washers too.

#9

CAUTION: Do not substitute anti-freeze coolant for window washer solution. This may result in damage to the paint.

It’ll do nothing for your windows either.

#10

CAUTION:  Be careful not to allow children to swallow the battery and removed parts.

I wouldn’t recommend that anyone swallow batteries or other related parts, but if you want to, that’s is your business.

Got any more to add to the list?  Feel to add below. Thanks for reading, OTTOOH.

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