Sir, Please Step Into The Vehicle (Part II)

Standard

So if you missed the last post Sir, Please Step…(Part I) for context.

And if you read the last post or don’t care about context, here are the first top ten warnings/cautions that may make you wonder and/or ponder…

To level set, WARNING = ‘Death or Serious Injury’ & CAUTION = ‘Minor or Moderate Personal Injury or Damage to Car’

#1

WARNING:  IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION REMINDERS FOR SAFETY!  Follow these driving rules to help ensure a safe and comfortable trip for you and your passengers.

  • NEVER drive under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
  • ALWAYS observe posted speed limits and never drive too fast
  • ALWAYS give your full attention to driving and avoid distractions
  • ALWAYS use your seat belts/child restraint systems
  • ALWAYS provide information about the proper use of the vehicle safety features to all occupants of the vehicle.
  • ALWAYS review this Owner’s Manual for important Safety information

There is just so much meat in this one.  For instance, for what other reason would “Important Safety Info. Reminders” be included but for “Safety?”  And what about the safety of other drivers and pedestrians NOT in the vehicle?  While I have no issues with the common sense of the first 4 bullets, if you are going to print those why not throw in the Ten Commandments for good measure? And the last two bullets just crack me up.

#2

WARNING:  Certain vehicle components contain or emit chemicals known in the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. In addition, certain fluids contained in vehicles and certain products of component wear contain or emit chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.

Do not eat, drink or snort battery acid, wiper fluid, brake fluid, steering fluid, the upholstery or any other car part.  Any of these actions will kill you long before they cause cancer, birth defects or reproductive harm.   If you live in any other state, we assume you are intelligent enough to neither be reminded nor diapered by your state government.

#3

WARNING:  When leaving the vehicle, be sure to turn it off.

What about the doors?  Do I need to close them too when leaving the vehicle?

#4

WARNING: Do not fold down the rear seats when occupants are in the rear area.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I am sure my mother-in-law will appreciate that I read that one.

#5

WARNING:  Your brake system may not be working properly if the warning light is on.

Interesting.  Never would have thought about that.

#6

WARNING: Do not allow occupants to use the seat heater if they do not have the ability to feel pain in those body parts in contact with the seat.

If they can feel no pain, can they not also feel heat?  What am I missing here?

#7

WARNING:  When cleaning the seat, never use gasoline, thinners, or similar materials.

Really? Probably shouldn’t smoke either if you are inclined to clean the upholstery with gasoline.

#8

CAUTION: Avoid abrupt starting and braking when the cup holder is being used to prevent spilling the drink.  If the liquid is hot, it can scald you or your passenger.

Thank you Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants

#9

WARNING: Keep the sunglasses holder closed while driving to prevent an accident.

And don’t fill it with scalding hot coffee either.

#10

CAUTION: Do not leave sunglasses in the sunglasses holder while parking in direct sunlight.  The heat may damage the sunglasses.

In other words. Don’t use the sunglasses holder for anything but warming coffee.

So that’s it for Part II.  Now I have to go read the rest of the manual for more life saving pearls of wisdom.  But first I need to rest.

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Sir, Please Step Into the Vehicle (Part III) | Off The Top Of Our Heads

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