Those Dee-lux Nose Hair Trimmers are a Must Have


My wife bought a snappy new vehicle over the weekend.  With the exception of the extraordinarily painful and losing battle over the  “paint and fabric protection” and five hours at the dealership, it was not the worst experience ever..

On Monday she drives the new car to work.  When she arrives home discovers she has leaked watermelon juice all over the passenger seat.  No problem, we have “THE PROTECTOR” sprayed all over the seat so it will wipe right up.  Wrong! The three, quarter sized watermelon juice stains when attacked with cold water, became the size of cow’s kidneys.  Clearly, had the treatment been applied, there would have been no issue.  And as “luck” would have it, had I succeeded in forgoing the treatment, I would be stuck with one off pink seat and one pissed wife.

So I go to the dealership this morning to deal with it.  They say no problem.  They’ll fix the stains and “re-treat” seats with an extra coating of “THE PROTECTOR.”  It’ll take about an hour. While they “treat,” I retreat myself to the showroom.

As the morning slipped away and one hour became three, then 4, then five I thought:

  • ” For the sixth time, no. I am not interested in the new Maxima but thank you salesman #6 for your kind offer.”
  • Sure I’ve been here four hours, what’s another hour?
  • What, are they are ripping out every piece of upholstery one by one and upgrading me to leather by hand?
  • Well, at least I’ve caught up on all the glorious music I missed in the 1990’s. Because nothing goes with cars like a little light Backstreet Boys in the background.
  • There are no less than 20 other people sitting in this place just as bored as me. The only difference is they are being paid for it.
  • Being a car salesman on a Thursday morning (or any morning…) has got to suck.
  • That cut away engine is pretty cool. I easily could have disassembled and reassembled it in the time I’ve been here.
  • That Groupon for the De-lux nose hair trimmer is starting to look pretty good. Oh hey, there’s a his and her set; even better.
  • Today’s customer appreciation donuts will soon be both yesterday’s donuts AND Tomorrow’s donuts…f r e a k y.
  • Do I get to take one of those colorful balloons as a consolation prize when I leave? Or do they send the adults home with hard liquor?
  • I’ve been here so long I am starting to rust.
  • Oh look, the leaves outside are beginning to turn golden.
  • At least this gives me the opportunity to use my  vocab word of the day in this blog. I’ve been here so long, I’m getting very “hangry.”

Over and out.  Time for some nose grooming.


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