Back Off College


I am sorry college, but you need to back off. I know the idea of you is nice, but once we actually started something I can’t wait to be through with you. There are so many problems with you. Let’s start with the biggest one: you won’t give me any space. You are clingy, and overbearing, and you get downright annoying after about 30 minutes. I mean it’s as if you expect me to think about you 24/7 and I simply won’t. I have a life outside of you, believe it or not. I am only 16, and this relationship has already gotten much more serious than I would have liked at my age. Everywhere I look or no matter who I talk to, you seem to come up. You’re either really popular or extremely frightening because you seem to be all the buzz around here. I know everyone seems to think you have the magic power to get them where they want to go, but past that I really don’t see the appeal right now. All too soon you have forced me from a perfectly happy friendship with high school and into a suffocating relationship with you.

Second, I have tried so hard to impress you. I’ve given my all on so many levels. You want a smart girl? I studied harder. But it wasn’t enough. You want a well-rounded girl? I signed up for heinous activities that I don’t even like just to try to get your attention. I figured that maybe if I put myself out there, maybe you’d take interest in me. But you’re simply stone cold. Obviously you want talent. So I have trained: dance, voice, acting class, striving to be the best because the best is all that will cut it for you. I feel like I am constantly auditioning for you. I have to be better than the next smart, pretty, talented girl who catches your eye. Night and day I ponder the endless possibilities of what you have in mind as the best. Would it be lots of good grades, several activities, boatloads of talent? Do I have to be gorgeous on top of all that? I mean, come on, let’s be realistic here. I can’t do it all! I don’t physically have enough hours in my day!

Third, being with you is like being with a brick wall. I mean, come on. You lure me in with all your positives: so-and-so loves you so much they wish they could go back and do it all over again, look at how happy blah-di-blah is now that you’ve been in their life, you can take me exotic places, get me out of the South, give me everything and make my hopes and dreams come true. That is what I see on the surface. You want me to learn everything about you, to dig and investigate, and make sure you’ll make me happy. You want me to visit (and we both know long-distance relationships hardly ever work), you want me to meet with “your people”, and even visit your website and look at all the perfect pictures of you at your very best. You expect my utmost devotion and flattery and attention. But what do I get in return? I mean you confuse me with other girls all the time. You know nothing about my personality or charms. All I get  is the occasional postcard from you bragging about the fantastic new things you’re progressing in, or the beautiful new feature you’ve had worked on, sometimes even that you are dying for me to come and giving me specific dates to conform to. You expect me to drop everything going on in my perfectly happy life and come be with you for a weekend, sometimes even making me miss school, and all for what? You drag me on, and it’s entirely possible that when all is said and done, you’ll decide that I’m simply not good enough and reject me. I will fall in love with you and then what? BAM! Like a ton of 10 pound bricks I’ll get a simple letter in the mail saying I’m not what you want. It’s entirely possible that you’ll break my heart as soon as I start to think I have a chance. And I will never know why. I’ll never know why the girl in my Math class or my best friend was better than me. You’ll never tell me. I’ll have to pick myself back up, look myself in the mirror, and tell myself that you were never what I really wanted anyway. I’ll never hear from you again. And just like that, two years of my life that I gave to you will have been ill spent. Of course, there is also the possibility that something about me will appeal to you, that I will have just that spark you’ve been yearning for and then, SUCCESS! I will get you like I’ve been plotting and scheming to for so long. I mean, sure, I’ll be stealing you from someone else, but then I guess they should have been more like me, right? What’s that old expression…”All’s fair in love and war”?


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