Monthly Archives: December 2008

On The Subject of Airport Security

Standard

GEEZ: With the Holiday Travel Season upon us, I think it is only appropriate to focus a moment on the bane (or one of them) of air travel these days.  Specifically, airport security.    To set the tone for this, perhaps we should reflect for a moment upon a portion of  Emma Lazarus’  famous poem, “The New Colossus.”

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.  Send these, the homeless tempest-tost to me…

This fairly describes the state of air travel in the U.S. today, and can imagine the airlines finishing the sentence in the poem with something like, …..and we will chew you up, lose your baggage and starve you along the way with a great big smile and a bubbye for you when you get off our plane if you are lucky…”

When you go through airport security on a busy travel day, don’t you sometime feel like the “huddled masses?”  And what about all the bad breath and the smelly feet of the teeming masses? I’m getting a gag reflex just writing about it; which brings me to the point of this airport security ramble and that is; Fast Actin Tinactin, Odor Eaters, and Tic Tacs.

You see, for years, I’ve thought they could spruce up and make the user experience at airport security by having the folks at Tinactin, Doctor Scholls and Tic Tac pay some big corporate marketing  bucks to pay to re-design the “user experience” in security, but most importantly, to do some major product sampling.  Their are very few things in life more offensive than having to watch thousands of people take off their smelly shoes and then walk with their sweaty athletic feet through the x-ray machine.  Talk about a biology experiment.  I know the airports are propogating, contaging, coating convering, and thoroughly spreading  the nastiness and plague of athletes foot across America.

And for goodness sake, everyone who goes through security should have the benefit of a Tic Tac.  I had a friend who used to say, “with that breath, you could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.”  And I’m telling you, airplanes are filled with buzzards these days.  Everyone of them should be given a few Tic Tacs on their way through security.

I think this brilliant marketing scheme would go a long way toward happier holidays, healthier citizenry, internationl relations and world peace.

You know, Harry Reed would make a good spokesperson for this campaign and in fact, maybe he could support some legislation to forward this motion.  Or at least implement it at the Capitol.

I wonder how the youth of today view airport security?  ChiQ?

ChiQ: well ive done airport security more than several thousands of times. as Geezer knows, my dear old dad used to work for an airline, which enabled us to fly for free and travel A LOT. i pretty much grew up on an airplane. but the part i always, always dread is the security. mines less about hygiene (although i will talk about that a bit later) and more about the agony of waiting in the long lines, the stress of having to remember so many things, and the terror that the buzzer might go off as you walk through, delaying you even further and possibly making you miss your flight. and dont get me started about the “random safety checks”. is it just me, or does someone in your family CONstantly seem to get picked for those “random checks”. they just lump on the stress levels of getting to the gate and boarding the plane.

now, waiting in line is a big issue for me. im a normally patient person, but thats when i can have something to do, like read a book or listen to my ipod. i could sit there for hours. but u cant do that in a line. theres only enuf time to make u seriously annoyed.

then theres the issue of your belongings. ive gotten so where i plan my outfits for flying strategically so that i dont have to take off belts, jewelery, and wrestle with my shoes. i always feel so awkward once i get my things but having to stand there for what seems to be 10 million years re-dressing myself. and also knowing that every second u spend re-dressing, there is probably someone behind you, tapping their foot with impatience and waiting for you to finish.

lastly, theres the hygiene issue. i mean come on. use some deodorant for crying out loud. or wear less perfume! its common courtesy. or at least wear socks if you have some sort of foot disease. i remember last year going through security with my grandmother (nana). i had on flip flops for optimal ease going through security. yet nana inSISted that i wear socks going through security. which meant that i had to take my flip flops off and put on the socks right before i went through, and remove the socks and put my shoes back on afterwards, all while my family waited with impatience.

in essence, airport security sucks. i hate it. it makes the whole flying experience much less enjoyable, and i agree with Geezer that something needs to be done. who agrees???

Advertisements

The Genesis of Text Messaging

Standard

GEEZ: Hey ChiQ.  Let me lay this one on you.  I have this theory that the language of text messaging evolved out of the Valley in the 1980s.  What thinks you?

ChiQ: hahahaha classic. i wholeheartedly agree. except for now instead of people just saying it as, like, totally a joke (haha) people actually talk like that. which is kinda sad. BUT personally i like it better than say, how they talked in the 1800’s. at least this is entertaining. speaking old english is like speaking chinese! its like now we have an entire generation of valley girls….except….oh wait….thats my generation….does that make me a valley girl? what do ya’ll think?

THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA CLAUS!

Standard

ChiQ: hello world! ChiQ here. today im going to tell you the truth about Santa Claus. thats right. im going to tell you all about him. i know the question is always “is Santa real?”. and believe me, im waaaaaay past the age of Santa, i mean i AM in high school. but more than anything, i believe in the magic that Santa brings to children’s lives. i mean, come on. this world we live in can be really crazy, but Christmas is one holiday where everyone tries to come together in some way and just bond. and i think Santa’s a huge part of that. it doesnt matter if you believe in him or not. he brings real life magic to each little kid he ‘comes in contact’ with. i mean, come on. Santa’s someone kids can write to and ask for whatever their hearts desire. even if Santa doesnt bring it for them, they know he was doing his very best. also, children leave a gift for him: the milk and cookies. i always left a little note too to keep him encouraged and going through the night. so kids learn the lesson of thanking people even if they never meet face to face. the power of giving that Santa encourages and teaches is incredible. he demonstrates giving without getting gifts in return. well, other than the cookie. but that’s hardly anything when you think about the hours he’s spent in the shop making toys. so i say, good for you santa! you set an example for all of us. what say u, Geez?

GEEZ:  I’m with you on this one ChiQ.  The magic of Santa is in the eyes of children.  It rolls in like the tide when you are little, then rolls out a bit in youth and early adulthood, and then rolls back in with a vengeance as a parent.  In my case the tide is still in.  Hopefully it stays along as there are children in our world.  HO, HO, HO!!!  No, those are not squirrels on the roof!!

Social Media Madness

Standard

GEEZER:   I think it is possible that my head is going to explode.  Today I joined Twitter to add to my portfolio of social network nuisances.  I haven’t figured Twitter out yet, but it totally goes against one of my personal Mantras which goes like this:  “If brevity is next to godliness, then I’m going straight to Hell.”  Come on, 140 characters??  At 140 I haven’t even exhaled my first breath.  My second Twitter, I’m exhaling and I see the character count at negative 20.  Delete, delete, delete  X 20 times.  I had to go get a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating.  I’m staying away from it for a couple of days until I catch my breath.

And this whole stupid Twitter thing is on top of Facebook, Linked In, Plaxo, Zoom, MySpace, Digg, Delicious and who knows what else I’ve signed up for that has me wrapped up like an Octopus.  I’m not quite sure what for, what it all means, or where it is all going. 

Maybe some day, social networking will involve getting together face-to-face, in the same room, where you can actually reach out and poke (in the arm) them for real.  I think they used to have something like that long ago.  I think they were called cocktail parties.  Somebody get me some  Zing Zang!!

ChiQ: wow, Geez. that was some rant. well…idk if this is gonna help, but i’ll have you know that the reason you’re so fed up with social networking is that you’re not from the right generation. not gonna lie, i probably could have set up your twitter in 15 minutes. ur also not a member of the txting/IMing/facebook chat generation….but i am. the abbrevs that result from it pop up in EVERY day conversation. how dumb is that? i mean, i’ll walk down the hall and hear snippets of conversations that involve “omg its totes legit” (translation for ya,Geez: oh my God, its totally legitimate!) or “brb-i g2g get my chem test…i def failed” (be right back-i gotta go get my chemistry test…i definitely failed). or “they’re not ofish cuz they’re not FBO.” (they’re not official cuz they’re not facebook official. aka one of the ways we keep our noses in everyone’s business) haha its just part of everyday “convo” now. and its somethin that the previous generation will never fully understand, nor will they be able to use our abbrevs. anyway, good luck with your social networking problems, Geezer. next time, phone a friend (aka MOI!) and ask her for some help. it’ll get things done soooooooo much quicker. ttyl. ttfn. g2g. l8rg8r.

Well, You Got To Have Friends

Standard

GEEZER:  Well I got married a million years ago.  By the way, this blog, while new, is not intended to be the philosophical blathering of an old fart, but ChiQ’s last post about friends sends me back down life’s highway on this one, and for what it’s worth, it is a little bit philosophical and it is a bit blathering too.

At my rehearsal dinner, I felt compelled to get up and make a toast.  I am not a speech maker now, nor was I then, and honestly, I have a memory like a sieve, but thankfully, my wife on occasion reminds me of the toast and over the years, at least the theme of it has been etched in my brain.  The general theme of the toast was friends.  And I, like  ChiQ was fortunate enough to have a few of the solid variety growing up like she does today.  In fact, those friends are still my close friends today.  But, when I got ready to make the transition from being single to being married, I knew who my best friend was.  Not the folks I had shared so many life experiences with, but the person I would be sharing the rest of my life experiences with.  The toast was to my new very best friend.  Marriage takes the “best friends” thing to a whole new level.   Fo Sho!   

ChiQ: awww Geez that was so touching! although your use of Fo Sho was a bit rattling….haha. one of my life’s dreams is to have as an amazing relationship as Geezer does with his wife. but i mean…come on. the guys in high school are simply NOT up to my standards. they’re all just so….dumb 🙂 but whenever i get frustrated with them, i remember a bumper sticker i saw recently. it said “you dont go through high school to get a husband- you go to find your bridesmaids”. its so true. for now, guys will come and go, but you’re friends are going to stick with you through it all. so to all you young people out there…we may not get the guys (or girls) right now, but we will. until then, we have our BFF’s, our “frenemies”, and our beaus to deal with :P. oh right. and that little thing we call school. prince charming’s gonna come along some day, and when he does, im gonna be SO ready. although i was permanantly scarred by Father of the Bride. i never realized how much the parents go through until i saw that movie, and now the image of my “dear old dad” going into a tizzy over my wedding is in my mind. but all in due time. i have no interest in getting married right now, obviously. so until then, maybe i should get Geezer to screen my dates!

Me and My Gang

Standard

Chiquita: hello again, chiquita here. well im gonna tell ya right off that i have the best friends in the entire world. they’re amazing and i love them SO much its not even funny. we make up the crazy 4-and im going to tell you all about them. for their sakes, im gonna use their nicknames. first, theres hayles. she’s the blonde, fashionista, makeup-always-perfect-dont-you-hate-her kind of girls. we sometimes call her “mama hayles” cuz she’s always looking after us and making sure we remember things. she’s the one who’ll take me to the lake and we’ll just sit there for hours eating chocolate and talking boys. i met her through marta. marta’s the LOUD one-she has two volumes: loud and louder. she’s the songwriter-and they’re really good. she’s absolutely hilarious and shares in my obsession with the Jonas Brothers 🙂 she’s full of life-always bouncing around and absolutely cannot stay in one place while she’s telling a story-which is all the time. i met marta years ago in a drama camp with peypey. peypey’s the quieter one, but dont get me wrong, even thats not very quiet. she’s the secret keeper, the one everyone goes to with their problems. she’s also the guy magnet- i swear a different guy falls for her every week. and yet, she’s never found any of them worthy. atta girl! 🙂 when the four of us get together, its like the epitome of “girl talk”-all of us talking at once. well, either that or singing. we like to belt it-and I think we sound good 😛 i dont know about your friends, but mine are perfect. now, Geezer’s met my friends a few times….lets see what his opinion on them is. have at it, Geezer!

GEEZER:  Huh?  Can I have a translator please?  I do have one thing in common with ChiQ’s friends, a love for music and a love for JB  and if he were channeling his soulful vibes to the  Jonas Brothers maybe I could groove with them, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen.  My JB is the one, the only, Mr. Dynamite, The Godfather of Soul, Mr. Please, Please, Please , Jaaaaaaaaaaames Browwwwwwwwwwwwn.  And ChiQ’s friends do like to dance, but they have never seen one like this….

….Its’s a classic and I would love to see, the blonde, the LOUD one, and the boy magnet throw down with James Brown.

ChiQ’s got good friends and they are entertaining.  But most importantly, as true friends are; they are solid.  Solid as a rock.  Although sometimes it would seem their heads are full of them, especially when it comes to boys. 

I think if a person can have one true friend in their life and solid faith, they can live a life fulfilled.  If they have more than one, well that’s just, choclolate sauce, whipped cream and a cherry.    

Cheers to good friends.  May we all be lucky and blessed enough to have at least one true friend.

About Off The Top Of Our Heads

Standard

So this is a new blog co-written by an old geezer and a young chiquita.  So what?  Exactly.  We write whatever comes off the top of our heads but with a twist.  The geezer perspective on one hand and the chiquita on the other.  Don’t know where it will go but we shall see…

GEEZER:  So, when I’m not spending my time making pithy comments here, I am in the process of starting a company to help individuals pay for their healthcare.  This could be an interesting blog because my co-author and I most certainly have a different perspective on the world.  Mine, of course is the right one….

CHIQUITA: hey ya’ll. i’m now the chiquita 🙂 im young. but u already know that. when im not writin on this…thingy…i like to be the center of attention. how do i do that? i sing at the top of my lungs. well. most of the time. this blogging thing is rather new for me, so im just gonna treat you, the reader, like a BFF. if uv cared enuf to read this much, then maybe you’ll actually listen to what i have to say. and if you dont…well i’ll just say it louder!